You know you have gone to the Dogs when …

Submitted by Dennis Reay

  • Nobody’s feet are allowed on the furniture, but your dogs are welcome to sleep on any piece they so choose.
  • It takes an entirely separate garbage can to handle all the poop.
  • All kinds of things around the house are in need of repair, but the injured dog you rescued by the side of the road requires immediate surgery
    and out comes the checkbook.
  • You and your family haven’t had your annual check up in two years, but the dogs are all medically up to date.
  • You start barking at your children to “Sit! Stay!”
  • You’re more concerned with the dogs’ needs than your own when the budget gets tight.
  • At least three of your five weeks vacation are scheduled around grooming, vaccinations and dental cleaning…all for the dogs!
  • Dog crates double as chairs and/or tables in your family room.
  • You can only remember people by associating them with their dog.
  • Overnight guests (who share your bed) are offended by having to sleep with you and the dog(s).
  • You snuggle closer to the dog than the person with whom you are sleeping.
  • You decide to downsize from a huge house in the city to an average country cottage with lots of land in order to build the kennel of your dreams.
  • You spend more time looking through mail order catalogues for dog supplies than for Victoria’s Secret nighties or Miles Kimball gadgets.
  • All your social activities revolved around other dog people.
  • Your voice is immediately recognized by your vet’s receptionist.
  • Everyone in the office is eager to know if the dogs are all right because you were late for the meeting.
  • The whereabouts of all you important legal and personal documents escapes you, yet you know precisely where to locate the file that includes all
    the vet records, breed papers and registration.
  • Your trunk has an emergency food kit for any strays you might come across.
  • The majority of your charitable contributions go to animal organizations.
  • To win a precious .75 show ribbon, you think nothing of forking out hundreds of dollars to board/pet sit the other dogs, pay for entry fees, gas,
    accommodations and meals.
  • You no longer have to buy extra large garbage bags, because the empty, 40 pound dog food bags work just as well.
  • Complete strangers call you on the phone to ask a question because they heard you were a “dog person.”
  • Your mom calls and asks how the granddogs are.
  • Every gift you ever get has something to do with dogs.
  • Your cookie jar has never seen the likes of people cookies.
  • You rip up the carpet and lay tile to make clean up so much easier.
  • Your children (wife, husband) complain that you always take more pictures of the dog than you do of them.
  • While proudly showing off your family album, your guest asks, “Isn’t there anyone else in your family besides the dog?”
  • Any conversation you’re having is effortlessly directed back to the topic of dogs.
  • Your first concern when planning a vacation is whether or not the hotel will take pets.
  • You politely bow out of an important social engagement so you can attend a dog show.
  • The number one priority when buying a new house is the size and landscape of the backyard.
  • The only (or at least first) forum you log onto is the animal forum.
  • You describe your children as having temperaments rather than personalities.
  • The cost of boarding your furkids equals that of your entire vacation.
  • Your dog decides he doesn’t like someone and you tend to agree.
  • All your non-dog friends know to dress down when visiting your house.
  • Your friends know which chair not to sit in.
  • First time visitors wonder aloud, “Do you smell something?” and you really don’t.
  • You become the family dog kennel for all your relatives.
  • You don’t think twice about sitting on the floor because both the couch and the chair are completely dog full.
  • Your desk proudly displays your canine family.
  • All dates must pass your dog’s inspection.
  • The first question you ask when on a date is, “So, do you like animals?”
  • You buy a bigger bed that will comfortably sleep six.
  • You break down and buy another pillow so you can have one to sleep on.
  • More than half of your grocery money goes to dog food and treats.
  • You buy a mini van to give them all enough travel room.
  • Your carpeting matches the color of your dog — purposely.
  • The thought of changing a baby’s diaper makes you swoon, but you can pick up dog poop barehanded, if necessary, without batting an eye.
  • You send out specially-made holiday cards that feature you and the dogs.
  • Your spouse issues the ultimatum “It’s them or me” and you have no problem pointing out the suitcase.
  • You readily allow them to give you slobbery kisses, but you don’t dare wipe a toddler’s nose.
  • Onlookers grimace at the sight of you sharing your sandwich with your four- legged pal, bite for bite.
  • Your dog has the best birthday party over and above any kid in the entire neighborhood.
  • Your dogs eat only the most nutritionally sound food, while your favorite meal is mac ‘n cheese.
  • You’ve traced your dog’s family tree further than you have your own.
  • You’re more familiar with dog laws than you are with people laws.
  • You stagger your dog magazine subscriptions to make sure you’ll receive one every week.
  • Your vet’s office number is the first one on your speed dial list; his home is number two.
  • One of your vet files is labeled “Other.”
  • Your vet takes a few extra courses just to keep up with your brood’s assorted ailments.
  • Your file is the only one that remains in the “IN” box.
  • Your file rivals War And Peace.

Leave a Reply

Notify of