Third Batch of Kerry Jokes

Needing a ride

Driving down a winding country road, a man came upon a youth running hard, three Kerries snarling at his heels. The man screeched his car to a halt and
threw open the door.

“Get in, get in!” he shouted.

“Thanks,” gasped the youth. “You’re terrific. Most people won’t offer a ride when they see I have three dogs!”

 

A Loosing Team

A guy walks into a bar with a Kerry under his arm. The dog is wearing a Cincinnati Bengals jersey and helmet, and is festooned with Bengal pom-poms.

The bartender says, “Hey! No pets are allowed! You’ll have to leave.”

The guy begs him, “Look, I’m desperate! We’re both big fans, the TV’s broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game.”

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there’s any trouble, the bartender relents
and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game begins with the Bengals receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at the 30, and kick a field goal. Suddenly, the dog jumps
up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender says, “Wow, that is the most amazing thing I’ve seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?”

The owner replies, “I don’t know, I’ve only had him for three years.”

 

Kerry Hugs & Kisses

When I come home at night my Kerry is very excited to see me.

He jumps around and dances and I talk to him and love him with kisses and hugs.

One night my husband, watching this ritual, asked why he didn’t get hugs and kisses.

I asked him, “When was the last time you did a dance and twirled around when I came home.”

 

Pet Rabbit

This guy comes home from work one day to find his Kerry with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in
his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit
into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor’s house, hoping that they will think it
died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy,

“Did you hear that Fluffy died?”

The guy stumbles around and says, “Um.. no.. um..what happened?”

The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone
had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!”

 

Smart & Smarter

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter…

First Woman: “My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.

Second Woman: “I know…”

First Woman: “How?”

Second Woman: “My Kerry told me.”

 

One Lost Dog

One day when I was about 8 years old, my Dad and I were sitting on the front porch having one of those rare Father-Son bonding events. We had been talking
for about 10 minutes when all of a sudden, a dog I have never seen before, came up on our porch and started licking my hand. I was excited because
I loved dogs but I didn’t have one of my own.

“Who’s the owner of that Kerry?” asked my Dad.

I looked but there was no name-tag.

“There’s no name tag Dad,” I replied.

“Does that hairy thing have a Rabies tag?”

I looked and answered, “No Dad, he doesn’t have a rabies vaccination tag either”.

My father stared at me for a moment and then asked, “Well then Greg…tell me what state was the dog born?” I was a little stunned by his question. So
I said, “Dad, if he has no name tag, if he has no rabies tag and if all he does have is a small collar, then how am I supposed to tell where he was
born?”

My Dad hung down his head and slowly moved it left then slowly to the right. He looks back at me and says, “You really don’t know how to tell from what
state a dog is born?”

“No Dad,” I answered. (I started to feel like I really let my Dad down).

Then he said, “Okay, Come on, I’ll teach you. Come over here and stand next to me.”

He kneeled down on one knee, faced the dog away from us, and lifted the dog’s tail.

“Do you see that “O” here under the dog’s tail?” he asked, as he was pointing to the dog’s butt.

“Yes I do,” I answered.

“Well,” said my Father, “That means that this dog is from Ohio!”

 

We Are What We Eat

Every day the man came into the grocery store at lunchtime, bought a big can of dog food, went across the street to a bench in the park, and ate the dog
food with a spoon. His strange habit was noticed by a doctor who regularly walked through the park.

One day the doctor came up to the man and said, “You know, that stuff isn’t good for you. It can kill you.”

The man shrugged. “I’ve been eating it every day for twenty years.”

The doctor repeated the warning, but to no avail. A month or so later, he noticed the man wasn’t on the bench for a couple of days in a row. Another park
regular told him the man had died.

“I told him that dog food would kill him,” the doctor said.”It wasn’t the dog food,” the man said. “He was killed in traffic while chasing a car.”

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