The 20 Kerry Kommandments

Written by a mischief-loving kerry blue terrier, Camelot
Submitted by Chelo Lewter

Dear God,

I want to send you this list of some of the things I must remember to be a good kerry blue terrier:

1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or even eat their leftovers if they leave some.
2. The diaper pan is not a cookie jar.
3. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are mom and dad’s laps.
4. I will not roll over dead on seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
5. I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty NOT food.
6. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
7. When my mom is having lunch on the TV table in the den and goes to get a tea refill … I will not steal her food.
8. I must not uncover the casserole on the kitchen counter with my nose and help myself to whatever I can steal.
9. I will not counter-surf or even investigate all the good smelling stuff that is on the kitchen counter.
10. I will not stick my head in the garbage and think that the tossed out leftovers are for me.
11. I will not play tug-of-war with dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
12. I will not drink water out of the toilet bowl.
13. I do not suddenly need to stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
14. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
15. I will not come in from the outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
16. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when there are visitors.
17. I will not make a fuss in the car or be a nuisance.
18. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for mom’s driver’s license
    and registration.
19. I will remember that the cat is not a squeaky toy … so when I play with
    him and he makes that noise (which is usually not a good thing) I must
    remember my kerry manners.
20. Above all, when the garbage collector comes, I must remember he is
    not stealing my stuff.