Kerry Peeves about their Owners

Submitted by Charlie Ross

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2. Blaming your flatulence on me.

3. Yelling at me for barking …(Hey, I’m a dog!)

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything while you’re gone.

Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like catfood?)

5. Taking me for a walk, and not letting me check stuff out.

(Whose walk is this anyway?)

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose…

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my rear end on our carpet.

(Why did you buy carpet?)

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.

(Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.)

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.

(Look, we both know the truth, you’re just jealous.)

10. Dog sweaters.

(Have you ever noticed my fur?)

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.

(Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.)

12. When you pick up my piles of stuff in the yard.

(Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?)

13. Taking me to the vet for “the big snip,” then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.

(So, You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain!)

15. Invisible fences.

(Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn’t yet solved the visible fence problem!!)


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