How to Read a Dog Advertisement

Submitted by Lisa Frankland, Author unknown.

THE QUOTETHE TRUTH
Well BalancedStraight as a stick, front and rear
Quiet gentle natured After 4 valiums
Excels in type and style However, moves like a spider on speed
Personality PlusWakes up if you put liver up his nose
Large bonedLooks like a Clydesdale
Good bite Missed the judge, got the steward
Lovely head 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 mouth, 1 nose
Excels in movementIf he gets loose, put on your
running shoes
Gorgeous CoatIf the hairspray lasts until
the class finishes
Noted JudgeHe put up our dog
Respected JudgeHe put up our dog twice
Esteemed JudgeHe puts up anything that crawls
Shown SparinglyOnly when we had it in the bag
Show ProspectHe has 4 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 tail
Finished in 5 showsAnd 89 where he failed to win
a ribbon
He has good pointsHis head is shaped like a carrot
Won in heavy competition The others were revoltingly
overweight
Multiple group winnerAt 2 puppy matches
Specialist JudgePuts up anything that looks like his
own breeding
Handled brilliantly by …Nobody else can get near him
Won in stiff competitionBeat 4 puppies and a 9 year
old novice dog
At stud to “approved” bitchesThose bitches whose owners check is
“approved” by our bank
Linebred from famous champsCh Whoozitz appears twice
in 6th generation
Good Obedience prospectSmart enough to come in from the
rain but he’s UG-LEEEE
Terrific brood bitch Her conformation is the pits,
but she throws big litters
Great stud dogMounts anything that can fog a mirror
Loves childrenFor breakfast, lunch and dinner
Wins another Best In ShowHis second, under the same judge,
our uncle

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