How to Read a Dog Advertisement

Submitted by Lisa Frankland, Author unknown.

THE QUOTE THE TRUTH
Well Balanced Straight as a stick, front and rear
Quiet gentle natured After 4 valiums
Excels in type and style However, moves like a spider on speed
Personality Plus Wakes up if you put liver up his nose
Large boned Looks like a Clydesdale
Good bite Missed the judge, got the steward
Lovely head 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 mouth, 1 nose
Excels in movement If he gets loose, put on your
running shoes
Gorgeous Coat If the hairspray lasts until
the class finishes
Noted Judge He put up our dog
Respected Judge He put up our dog twice
Esteemed Judge He puts up anything that crawls
Shown Sparingly Only when we had it in the bag
Show Prospect He has 4 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 tail
Finished in 5 shows And 89 where he failed to win
a ribbon
He has good points His head is shaped like a carrot
Won in heavy competition The others were revoltingly
overweight
Multiple group winner At 2 puppy matches
Specialist Judge Puts up anything that looks like his
own breeding
Handled brilliantly by … Nobody else can get near him
Won in stiff competition Beat 4 puppies and a 9 year
old novice dog
At stud to “approved” bitches Those bitches whose owners check is
“approved” by our bank
Linebred from famous champs Ch Whoozitz appears twice
in 6th generation
Good Obedience prospect Smart enough to come in from the
rain but he’s UG-LEEEE
Terrific brood bitch Her conformation is the pits,
but she throws big litters
Great stud dog Mounts anything that can fog a mirror
Loves children For breakfast, lunch and dinner
Wins another Best In Show His second, under the same judge,
our uncle

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