How To Photograph A Puppy

  1. Remove film from box and load camera
  2. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash
  3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle
  4. Choose a suitable background for photo
  5. Mount camera on tripod and focus
  6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth
  7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera
  8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees
  9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand
  10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens
  11. Take flash cube from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash
  12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose
  13. Put magazines back on coffee table
  14. Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head
  15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage
  16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, “No, outside! No, outside!”
  17. Call spouse to clean up mess
  18. Fix a drink
  19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” the first thing in the morning.

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