There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two occupations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice
and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a sign on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy — Either way,
you get your dog back!”
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal
in the world does this.
Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says.
“Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher.
“Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors’ Kerry came around the corner, and my cat went “ffffffffff! fffffffff!fffffff!
And before she could say could say “F–K OFF!”, the dog ate him!”
Canine Card Shark
Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets.
“The brightest dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Kerry Blue that
used to play cards. He was great at poker, but finally a friend
complained about him and I had to get rid of him.”
“You got rid of him, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would
be worth a million dollars.”
“Had to,” he replied, “caught him using marked cards.”
Two Kerries meet each other in the park. The first dog says, “Hi, I’m Rover. What’s your name?” The other dog says, “I don’t know, but I think it’s
A blind man was describing his favorite sport – parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am
placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”
“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.
“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground,” he answered. But how do you know when to
lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked. He quickly answered “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”
The Rabbit & the Kerry
A woman walks into a vet’s waiting room. She’s dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there. “Sit, Fluffy,” she says.
Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, getting water all over him.
“I said sit, now there’s a good Fluffy,” says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy quite miserable and perhaps feeling rebellious, squats in the
middle of the room and urinates.
The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, “Darn it Fluffy, will you be good?!”
Fluffy then starts a fight with a Kerry and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted
customers and says, “Pardon me. I’ve just washed my hare, and can’t do a thing with it!”